• County Lines

On Edge

I don’t feel safe. I’m on edge all the time. I’m getting text message after text message from people I don’t know who are calling me a slag and threatening all sorts and I can’t stop crying.

All day I cry and cry and cry. I don’t know over exactly what, it just feels like a waterfall of bottled up emotions are pouring out. I have flashbacks of situations that happened during the months of being trapped that I’m too disgusted, humiliated and embarrassed to write about. I’m so exhausted from keeping myself awake all the time because I’m too scared to fall asleep, I’m doing things like writing incomprehensible texts to people I can’t remember doing.

And all of this while my so called best friend has dumped her 15 year old son on me, too far gone on drugs she’s unable to care for him, while the social services label me a child groomer and say I’m dangerous because of the fact I was raided!

I called the social services.

The so called dangerous child groomer who’s currently caring for her teenage son full time, her son who is now attending school everyday, not getting into trouble, is happier than he’s ever been and studying for his GCSE’S- is the one who called the social services in the first place after becoming so concerned about her children’s welfare. Is the one who lets her bath her daughter here because her electrics been cut off because she has spent the money on crack. Is the one applying for benefits for her because she’s too busy smoking crack, is the one pleading for food vouchers on her behalf while you’ve got it…. she’s smoking crack. Is the one going hungry so her children get fed instead because I can’t afford to feed myself too and in my eyes the children take priority. Is the one who spent 9 months sleeping on the sofa while my flat was taken over by a gang of violent drug dealers, and is STILL sleeping on the sofa because my bedroom now belongs to a 15 year old.

Im that dangerous?

Fuck this fucking world I want to die. ….but I can’t because I have two children to support while my best friend is absorbed in drugs.

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