• County Lines

Used, Abused, Fucked & Chucked then Spat out & Stamped on…

Is what happened to me as of midnight yesterday.

The ‘boyfriend’ I wrote about in a previous post has done just that to me, but in the cruelest way imaginable. However, like the saying goes “it takes two to tango”; I have to take some responsibility in allowing him to treat me the way he has.

I pride myself on how well I treat others. I am a kind, empathetic, generous and caring person. I’ve never met one person who hasn’t taken my kindness for weakness. But the reason why I am constantly taken advantage of, is honestly because I don’t know how to defend myself.

I have no idea how to stop someone blackmailing me, intimidating me, harassing me. Likewise if I’m being bullied or threatened. The end result is always the same- the bully wins and I lose. I’m not playing the blame game, I’m stating fact. I’m the one who loses their home, possessions, relationships. I get financially rinsed, psychologically battered, physically sick, falsely accused, tarred with the same brush, any fallout landing on my shoulders… you get the picture.

So yes, I hold my hands up and am forced to miserably admit, the sole reason I carried the now ‘ex’ boyfriend- was out of pity and sympathy upon seeing him laying in a hospital bed after being stabbed.

But the consequences of HIS actions, which I didn’t get a choice in are;

  1. Moving out of my home town to a random city. Not being able to go back because he’s grassed on his perpetrators. Thus if I go back, I’ll also be labelled a grass automatically. And I spent 7 months last year being threatened with the phrase “snitches get stitches” on a daily basis by the gang of drug dealers who took over my home.

  2. Missing weekly court enforced probation appointments, which has led to a warrant out for my arrest, because he forbid me from telling my probation worker where we’d moved to. As my probation officer is also the probation officer of one of the individuals who stabbed him.

  3. Not having access to my medication which keeps my mental health stable, because I am not registered with a GP here and have no forwarding address to have my medication sent to.

  4. The shockingly quick rate my mental health is declining what with going cold turkey from my meds while simultaneously attempting to meet the needs of not just myself, but him as well. I didn’t expect to have a 42 year old man content with solely relying on a vulnerable, weak female. I’m beyond suicidal.

Anyway, my so called boyfriend recieved a £4,000 back payment at midnight last night. He went AWOL for 13 hours, then after finally tracking him down via a phonecall- he stated, and I quote;

What you seriously think I want to be with you? I was USING you. I don’t need you anymore, I can support myself.

I’m ashamed to admit I wasn’t surprised. Just a week ago I admitted to a newly made friend that I doubted I’d see him for dust once he stopped needing me.

But the icing on top of the cake is that he’s run back to the town he was stabbed in, and into the arms of his ex-girlfriend who was the one who, not just orchestrated the attack; but who caused his head injury by stamping on his head in her stiletto!

The whole sorry situation has left me in one hell of a pickle. Too dangerous to go back to my home town- but stuck in an unknown city with no registered GP, no address, no income, having to start from scratch with a warrant out for my arrest.

At this moment in time I am stuck with how to move forward.

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