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Suspiciously Calm

The past couple of days have been suspiciously calm…

Mr Boss Man apparently decided to take heed of what I said and banned the vicious 17 year old from my home altogether and now makes him and the kid trap from a different house. Not just here and there but full time now.

They have told me they don’t leave anything in my flat anymore. But I have my doubts about that one. It didn’t help when the kid whipped out a butchers knife today and told me it was for ‘protection’ then couldn’t give me a straight answer when I flew off the handle demanding to know how many fucking knives where laying about in my house. His response almost made me laugh with panicked hysteria; “don’t worry, you won’t get bagged for this. But I’ll make sure they’re kept in the kitchen from now on. So it looks more…normal…”

FUCKING NORMAL?!

But no matter what I do or say, I suspect there will still be knives, drugs and cash hidden in here. So I did my usual frantic researching on the legal side of things- i.e. what on earth could I be charged with if those items were found hidden in MY home. Because by now, that’s all I can do.

When I first found out about “cuckooing” after Googling ‘how to make drug dealers leave my home’, I read an article about the victims being prosecuted because they have no proof. Neither do I, I have no proof that I’m not a voluntary participant in their criminal activities. I have nothing to prove I was manipulated into opening my door to one out of a gang of violent drug dealers who then forcefully took over my home. I have no evidence to support any of what I’m saying which TERRIFIES me. Especially when I’M the one reaching out for help, and my home could potentially be filled with these items. So the thought of accidentally incriminating myself by having my fingerprints all over one of their knives- which is purely a result of finding the knife under my sofa and moving it- makes me feel sick to my stomach.

Anyway the frantic researching really didn’t do anything more than state common sense. Don’t touch any of it etc etc.

While I’ve been writing this I’ve had somewhat of a lightbulb moment! The realisation just dawned on me that I had the means, the spirit and the energy to actually think logically enough to research all of this. My God what a difference it makes when there’s no drug dealers here to carry on the physical and mental abuse. I’ve surprised myself at just how quickly I seem to have got a grip on reality and taken back control. I’m more shocked that there’s obviously still some fighting spirit left in me from all the torture they’ve put me through.

Well that’s put a small smile on my face so I’ll stop before I end up in absolute turmoil as per usual.

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