I am Grammar school educated, I passed my GCSE’s and gained 5 A-Level’s, I achieved a degree; yet apparently I have no braincells whatsoever.
I am a newly married woman. Unfortunately my husband has a criminal record. I knew of this before we married. I wasn’t phased; I have one too now for being prosecuted for possessing 3 bags of heroin. I don’t judge.
This morning, my husband and I were laying in bed discussing this blog, and my pitiful attempts to spread the word about County Lines; which is failing spectacularly. Anyway, as I was moaning and bitching about said failure- my husband butted in and stated;
I don’t think the fact that I was put in prison for two years after being prosecuted for Category Lead 1 in County Lines, is helping your cause. Nor does marrying me while there was a warrant out for your arrest, as a result of legging it from a court hearing you were too scared to attend. We don’t make the best examples darling. We are both drug addicts with criminal records.
Bugger it! How the hell did I miss that one. Wrongfully prosecuted or not, I was slapped with a criminal record. Recovering addict or not- my belief is that addiction is a disease- therefore I will always be a drug addict. The only difference is whether I’m a using or recovering addict. As for my husband…no comment.
Society are infuriatingly judgemental and narrow minded. I know I’ve whinged about this before. But the impact this whole shoddy mess is having on my life still to this day, is becoming too much to cope with.
I’m getting to the stage where I wish I HAD been guilty as charged. Because then the impact it’s having on my life would damn well serve me right. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to play the victim card either. But I need to find a way to stop the nagging resentment which eats me up inside, overcome the obstacles which are put in my way day after day, and put an end to having to live in fear, feeling constantly on edge and anxious.
I don’t want sympathy. I want the consequences of a crime I did not commit, and the actions of a vengeful police force with a grudge against me, to stop affecting the life I live now. But most importantly? Ensure that nobody else ever EVER has to suffer at the hands of a County Lines gang, whether it be child or adult. I want to try and prevent that, but society- because of it’s judgemental attitude- won’t allow me to help.
That’s the worst impact of all.