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Monumental Fuck Up

I’ve made a monumental fuck up. The catastrophic result of Class-A chemically induced confidence combined with an almighty drunken tantrum.

I vaguely remember declaring “well…if the police are going to fuck with me, they better be prepared to get fucked up the arse themselves!”, but that’s about it. I just presumed that, like every other night- I ended up in a snotty, sobbing heap on the floor wailing “my life is ovverrrr”.

But apparently not. Apparently I actually went and fucked the police up the arse.

Which is mortifying, when you take into consideration the reason for why I remember saying what I did, was the shock of hearing myself say it.

I gasped, my hand flew over my mouth and I mentally scolded myself for saying something so BAD.

The feeling was identical to when I accidentally said ‘oh fuck’ to a police officer on the day my home got raided. I then proceeded to apologise by stating ‘oh shit I’m sorry I can’t believe I fucking said that in front of the police’. One of those moments where my mouth is spewing out words faster than my brain can stop it and I’m going “NOOOOOO” as I see the whole thing in slow motion inside my head.

What the fuck is wrong with me.

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