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Marmite Friend

Have you ever had or have a Marmite Friend?

One of those friends who you’ve known for time. That are always there by your side when you’re in hospital/police custody/a family members funeral/fighting your corner when confronting your enemies…

You both have a sixth sense about one another. Every crisis and they seem to call at the perfect moment.

You can hang around with them, banter, laugh, gossip and never experience those awkward silences you have with other friends.

But at times…you want to fucking KILL them. You HATE them with every fibre of your being. You want to THROTTLE them. You DETEST them. Their every action, word, movement, EVERYTHING annoys you. ‘Annoy’ is a mild term for what I’m trying to get across in words.

You see, I’m sat with my Marmite Friend right now. And this friend jumped a train to a city an hour and a half away to come and be my pillar of support. And he’s made me roar with laughter. He’s made me feel so much more confident and given me the strength I needed to get through a situation I’m currently in; which is… delicate.

But now I want to strangle my friend. Because there are personality traits that I just cannot, and should not, have to put up with. Like the way he sometimes speaks to me- absolutely fucking disgustingly. He tears me down, makes me feel worthless, insults me and verbally abuses me RELENTLESSLY.

Like the way he just won’t quit. We are currently in a hostel and the owner has text me stating that there have been complaints about us “smoking dope”. The owner is threatening to call the police because of other guests complaining. So what does one do under those circumstances?

Lights up a cigarette inside the property which is forbidden. Starts rifling through bags making a ludicrous amount of noise. Begins loudly joking about “making sure we hide the weapons”. In other words…does everything and more possible to draw attention to ourselves. Make lots of noise. Anything and everything that would result in the owner carrying out her threat of calling the police.

A normal person would stop when their friend asks them to right? No. I can ask, beg, PLEAD, sob my heart out, become hysterical, beg some more for my friend to quit and I get nowhere. We are in the middle of a strange city with no money and nowhere to sleep if we are thrown out… and still my friend won’t quit.

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