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  • Writer's pictureCounty Lines

I’ve Got the Answer

After months of watching in horrified fascination at a gang of drug dealers use my home as a base to deal drugs from, I made a startling discovery.

None of the stupid twats have any fucking common sense.

Not one iota of it! I’ll give you examples;

A drug dealer’s main aim is to make as much money as they can and to be as inconspicuous as possible. To blend in to the background and avoid attracting any attention what so ever. So every drug dealer always makes sure that-

  1. They are equipped with a black, 10 year old Nokia or Alcatel mobile phone or ‘burner phone’. The volume MUST be as high as it can go with the ringtone SPECIFICALLY set to that annoying Nokia tune “dadada daaa dada daaa dadada da”.

  2. They are dressed in nothing other than the latest Nike or Adidas tracksuit; ALWAYS with the hood up obscuring their face, Nike Air Max 97’s and a black Armani man bag.

  3. Their tracksuit bottoms MUST have 3 precise bulges. One for the kitchen knife shoved down their waistband, one for the roll of cash and one for the sizeable pack of drugs. (Which will always be worth more than what they earn before they are stabbed or arrested).

  4. Should a police officer be within eyesight, their golden rule is to ensure their facial expression be that of panic stricken terror.

  5. The formula for success is a combination of selling the worst quality drugs, whilst treating your customers like shit.

I’ve always wondered why someone would choose to be a drug dealer. I reckon I’ve found the answer to my question.

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