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Guess Who’s Back…Back Again…

Minus the ones currently in prison of course. But I know their presence is temporary because they are all waiting for sentences after being charged like I was…when I was the victim.

Talk about licking my arse. Talk about the desperate effort to get in contact and on my good side. The puppy dog eyes, pleading expressions, nervous over-the-top sweetness. It’s sickly. But behind the facade, I’m terrified- my entire body shaking, gobsmacked by their nerve, overwhelmed with resentment and their gang slang “yes my g”, “say no more fam”, “wagwan bruv”, “mans is gonna bang him out” riles me up to the point where I’m clenching my fists to stop myself banging THEM out for using such ridiculous vocabulary.

But bless them, if they are happy with the strong chance they’ll be stabbed by a rival gang at any moment, actually working for less than minimum wage, wearing stolen Hugo Boss tracksuits, and drug dealing in an effort to imitate a gangsta and get to call customers ‘cats’ is worth years upon years in prison…let them get on with it. The original trapper who i’ve spoken about before, had boiling hot sugar water thrown over his upper torso on his first night in jail. Ouch!!!

I wonder what it feels like when you ring your ‘g’ or ‘fam’ on the outside and hear their total lack of interest in you now you’re banged up. I wonder what it feels like to hear your ‘g’ or ‘fam’ refuse to send you p’s (money) into your canteen fund. I wonder what it feels like when the realisation dawns your entire life has been built on fantasy, false promises, ego and image?

But mostly, I wonder what it feels like to know that your victim, the person who you bullied, threatened, intimidated and disrespected for months. The person with morals, principles, knows the difference from right and wrong. The person who got blamed due to your actions, lost her home due to your actions, has been driven to think of nothing but how to commit suicide by your actions…IS THE ONE PERSON WHO WOULD ACTUALLY STAND BY YOU IN TIMES LIKE THESE.

Oh deary me, silly boys. What a monumental fuck up. Good luck for the future, but I ask that you categorically fuck off out of my life.

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