Enough of This
Enough of this self doubt, enough of feeling like I’m anything other than a good, genuine, decent person, enough of the bullying, intimidation, emotional blackmail and being targeted; my kindness taken for weakness. Enough of sacraficing my needs for others, enough of giving people chance after chance- when I get stabbed in the back every time. Enough of allowing others to judge me as a lowlife because I have a drug addiction, or a fuck up because I struggle with mental health problems. ENOUGH OF IT ALL.
This year I am not going to lose my home because of the actions of others. I am not going to put my emotional and physical well-being behind everybody else’s. Nor am I going to sacrifice my health, home, finances and possessions for any individual- I don’t care who they are or what situation they are in. I won’t let anybody have an input on the decisions and choices I make. I won’t let anybody influence what I choose to wear, how I should feel, the way I want to live.
The police, social services, doctors, landlords; anyone in an authoritative position compared to me- will follow procedure, do their job without cutting corners, have unbiased opinions, be non judgemental, never break the rules, listen to my explanations and take me seriously. If they don’t; I will move heaven and earth to make damn sure this changes, that others aren’t treated in the same way, they are reprimanded if necessary, and follow the rules from there on out.
I have been a victim of cuckooing, yet prosecuted for drug related charges.
I have cared for another person’s child, yet named a paedophile.
I have saved a teenage drug runner from being exploited, yet labelled a child groomer.
I have lent a friend money to pay her rent arrears and utility bills, yet lost my own home and am yet to find another because I never got paid back.
I’ve fed friends, their children and guests who have stayed in my home involuntarily, yet lost over five stone in a year not being able to feed myself.
I am a victim. A victim of cuckooing, harassment, bullying, intimidation, homelessness, burglary, financial exploitation, and post traumatic stress disorder over the past eighteen months.
I take responsibility for not looking at the bigger picture, following my heart instead of my head, being naive and lazy for not bothering to thoroughly research the rules, regulations and my rights. Being too physically and emotionally weak to fight my corner- the consequences of which led to being slapped with a criminal record, falsely accused of all manner of things, evicted from my home and getting repeatedly hurt by others.
But I resent and blame the police, my ‘friends’, neighbours, the judge who prosecuted me, my probation officer, ex-boyfriends, and numerous others who have in some way, played a part in ruining my life and leaving me broken.