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Dealing for Dummies

It’s imperative that you speak using the correct terminology; so begin addressing people as “fam”, “G”, or “cuz”. More importantly, you now refer to yourself in the third person using the word “mans”. I.e. “mans got p’s to make ennit fam”

Always remember to use words such as “ennit”, “safe” or “nuff love” at the end of every sentence

Use the correct vocabulary- “whip” is a car. “Creps” are trainers. A “bando” is a house. A “strap” is a gun, a “shank” is a knife… you get the picture

Dump your iPhone X or Samsung Galaxy, and invest in a cracked £5 Alcatel Pixie. Then pick up a Lyca SIM card on your way home.

Set your ringtone to the standard Nokia “de de der der, de de der der, de de der der deeerrr” with the volume as high as it will go

The wages you’ll be promised but never get paid, is referred to as “P’s”…as is any amount of cash (not that you’ll find yourself handling much while you’re doing a 10-year sentence)

Don’t wear anything unless it has a Nike tick on it. But remember, there’s the distinct possibility they will fall off because let’s face it; you can’t afford to buy your clothes from JD Sports

Always walk with a prominent limp

Buy a man bag. Then stuff your pockets with drugs, stick a knife down the waistband of your jogging bottoms, have a fist full of cash, and use the other hand to hold your mobile phone…leaving the man bag empty.

If you get a glimpse of blue or yellow in your peripheral vision…RUN!!!

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