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  • Writer's pictureCounty Lines


Over the course of the day I’ve become kind of curious as to where my landlord believes I got my secret baby from…

Did I give birth to the baby? Did I kidnap the baby? Am I just looking after a friend’s baby? Can I even ponder this question without getting falsly accused and arrested by the police? Who are so incompetent and stupid I quite frankly wouldn’t be surprised if my next call was to my solicitor stating “I’m in police custody on charges of conspiracy to sell babies on the black market”. Oh no silly me…one can’t be arrested if one is DEAD!!!! Am I DEAD? Dead people don’t know they’re dead sometimes right? Because that would be more logical to me being dead and writing this shit, than actually being alive and writing this shit! What on earth do I say to the 60 year old family friend who just text me asking how the handover of the flat went? “It’s ok, there was a slight mishap in the fact my landlord thought I was dead and had left a baby in his flat…I’m not homeless yet. Unfortunately I’m still being evicted at some point though as a result of those pesky knife wielding drug dealers who took over my home for 8 months!”

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