Criminal or Victim?
I’d quite like to find out whether I’m going to be labelled a criminal, or whether I was a victim.
Right now I am a traumatised mess. I’m a useless nervous wreck that just cries all day, for what apparent reason; I don’t know.
But I feel guilty about this because in my opinion, criminals are not very good people. Every type of crime inflicts some kind of pain or suffering on SOMEONE and negatively impacts their lives in some way. So I don’t believe criminals have the right to feel sad.
If I’m going to be labelled a criminal- even for an offence I didn’t commit- I still don’t feel like I have any right sat here feeling as miserable as I am.
Which is so fucked up I know.
Because in my heart I KNOW I’m a victim, I FEEL like a victim, and I know damn well I didn’t supply drugs to anybody! Drugs were hidden in my home yes, but I’m no bloody drug dealer!
My GP said my thinking is typical Borderline Personality Disorder ‘black and white’ thinking. Why aren’t I taking into account the fact that I’ll still be innocent whether I’m branded a criminal or not…?
Because the thought stresses me out so much and is so overwhelming to me, I end up on the brink of suicide. I literally can’t process that one. No thanks, just like medication dictates my emotions, I’ll let the police dictate this one. At the end of the day, that will still happen anyway so I’ll just numb myself with drugs in the meantime.