Change of Circumstances
Two years ago I was living in a gorgeous newly built, city centre apartment. I kept myself to myself. No social life, friends, hobbies, criminal record. But the combination of legal prescription drugs and illegal street drugs kept me nicely numb to the world around me. So I felt…well… nothing really. But the point I’m trying to make is that;
I had somewhere to live. Running water, electricity, a bed.
I had no criminal record. No upcoming trials for possession of class A drugs.
I had nobody financially rinsing me dry. Emotionally blackmailing me, threatening and intimidating me.
I had clothes, furniture, make up, possessions that belonged to me; that I bought and owned.
I was not an agoraphobic, nervous, wary wreck.
Fast forward to now.
I am living in a random city I’ve never been to before.
I have no other belongings apart from a bag full of unwashed, donated clothes.
I am sleeping in a tent. Have no running water, electricity, and have no toilet therefore have to squat and aim.
Though I am still prescribed my ludicrously high doses of mind numbing medication; I have no access to it as a result of having no address.
I have an ever growing criminal record.
The one and only reason I am sticking with it is because I have met a couple- boyfriend and girlfriend- who are quite literally the most amazing, generous, genuine, sweet hearted people I have ever encountered in all my years of living.
This girl is like my long lost twin. She gets my black, sarcastic sense of humour. She likes the same foods as I do. We complain and moan about exactly the same topics. We spend every minute together laughing. And this girl and her boyfriend are sat in the tent with me. We don’t have electricity but we have fairy lights. We have no running water but we do have cheap fruit cider. We have no legal prescription drugs but we do have illegal drugs. I’m not numb. But I’m not miserable and suicidal either.
So considering my change of circumstances, which have been horrible and terrifying and emotionally painful and expensive and at some stages; life threatening. I’m doing OK.