• County Lines

Am I Dreaming?!

They HAVE been watching the police HAVE been doing something!

the runner that started working here two weeks ago who I actually like for a day or two- until I started recognising that it was all a big act as he got lazy and began to drop it. Turned out like all the rest of them. Well he got arrested today in in the park near my flat. He was with the 17 year old girl and her friend which I think is disgusting. When he invited her here; I make sure I kept on her case and have done since. I’ve only met her twice, she’s young and I’ve just made her read my first blog post. She left crying but I think it got the message through. if he is such a perfect man why was he sat in a park with cash and drugs on him with a 17 year old girl next to him. why is inviting his 17 year old girlfriend to a flat that belongs to a vulnerable woman he’s trapping from. The relief is making me feel like a helium balloon. They were under covers which means they have been watching which means that police will come here right? Which means this has ended. No more spending everyday on edge having to be nice, saying the right thing. No more having them watch over me while I text one of their phones writing what they dictate that makes me look like I’m complicit like I’m one of the gang. No more begging no pleading or shaking or crying. No more hair falling out, not eating, not going outside for 5 months straight. Is it really over? But how long before the police come here and I get put in prison too. Because I’m expecting that; I am expecting something to show up as I am certain this gang have always ensured I will be their scapegoat. But you know I am not scared I am numb. Yes I’m crying and I don’t want to have a criminal record or lose my flat I know that’s going to happen. So now I am numb and waiting. Just waiting. Maybe I deserve it though because at some point in the last few months I gave up fighting with them because it was exhausting and I had got NOWHERE. I had used up all my options, and realised that if the situation ended I was adamant I would want to say “shame on you and not shame on me”. So I made the conscious decision to rise above. I chose to get along with them, be friendly all the time loathing them at the same time.

Right now I want to cry. The boss has just showed up AT MY FRONT DOOR. He wants money!!!! He CAME TO MY FLAT. I don’t understand much about their world, but SURELY he must know the police are likely watching? SURELY he just did the most stupid thing ever right?

All he wanted was anything the runner left here which was nothing. But then after five months of torment and imprisonment and NOT being paid for it because (a) they didnt offer and (b) who would voluntarily accept payment to allow these guys IN?

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