I have utterly and totally jinxed myself writing the post I did last night.
Why? Because I was rudely interrupted from my sleep this morning by what sounded like someone trying to gain entry to my flat. So when the individual succeeded and it turned out to be the vicious 17 year old- I sat feeling completely bewildered as I attempted to work out how he’d managed it. He obviously saw the confusion on my face because he waved a set of my front door keys in the air and smirked.
I only have one set of door keys; which were stuffed down the side of my sofa at the time. I could feel them digging into my hip.
Anyway, all hell broke loose as I jumped up and started screaming “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOME YOU PRICK, GET THE FUCK OUT”. The 17 year old stood there and infuriated me further by spreading his arms out in front of him and saying in a fake confused voice “what…what have I done?”. The 14 year old- bless him- tried to demand that he leave but after numerous unsuccessful attempts, resorted to ringing Mr Boss Man who was round within 5 minutes. Very unusual.
I got even MORE wound up when Mr Boss Man stated that I woke up “in a mood” and reluctantly told the 17 year old to ring round and find elsewhere to go. The penny dropped that the junkies weren’t accommodating them anymore. I wasn’t surprised because trying to use the same tactics they did with me on people who are far more emotionally stable, psychologically stronger AND are surrounded by friends and family is just plain STUPID. I wanted to jump up and down with glee while I mocked them and yelled “ARE YOU DUMB FAM? ARE YOU DUMB?!?”. But I’ve learned my lesson thank you very much.
While I was mentally pointing and laughing at them, I came down to earth with a major crash. I felt really exposed all of a sudden and very, very alone. I’m familiar enough with their behaviour pattern by now to know that this morning was the threatening introduction (‘this is how its going to be’). Today was my cool off period (‘we’ll give you some space to think whether its really worth kicking off’). Then tomorrow I’ll wake up to see the 17 year old walking through my front door and by tomorrow afternoon I’ll be physically and psychologically broken and back under their control again.
I have that sick sense of dread feeling in the pit of my stomach, my skin is burning up, my ankle is swollen to twice the size and I was left holding handfuls of my own hair again as it began falling out while I brushed it earlier on.
Right now I am determined that ‘this time will be different’ and ‘this time I won’t LET them break my spirit’. But my determination is beginning to turn into fear, and the more fearful I get; the more by body physically packs up on me from the stress.
There’s STILL no sign of my only form of backup- the police.