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Lost

I am at a complete loss with what to do. Aside from ringing the police directly, I think I have exhausted every other option that is not going to get me maimed, tortured or killed.

5 Crimestoppers ‘Give Information’ forms, 3 emails to the Victim and Witness Hub, 1 email to Victim Support and in the past 3 weeks I’ve given information to missingpersons.org with regards to the kid and where he can be found no less than 4 TIMES. Yet again, no sign of the police or social services- apparently the city I live in doesn’t have any form of local or government authorities.

I find it truly bizarre that I am unable to dial 999, or walk into the police station which are considered the normal things to do when you need help. But these are violent criminals I’m dealing with. They have no conscience and completely lack emotions such as remorse, guilt and empathy. These guys are unpredictable, extreme and erratic. I spend every day sat on edge with my heart pounding. My neck and back are constantly siezed up and aching because I’m so tense and anxious. And as a result of being so alert. I spend 24 hours a day in flight or fight mode- always watching, listening and thinking ahead so I can be prepared for danger.

I feel so fucking stupid. I’m embarrassed to even write on this blog nowadays because I know people will be thinking;

  1. I’m lying my ass off and living in a fantasy world because how can a gang of drug dealers still be trapping from the same house over 6 months down the line with not a sniff of a drug raid, or any kind of police intervention what so ever.

  2. My numerous tip off’s to Crimestoppers are utter bullshit because they wouldn’t go ignored and help would have come by now.

  3. I’ve not done enough/been forceful enough with my efforts to get them out of my home.

  4. I’m being melodramatic and paranoid over what the gang will do to me if I snitch.

  5. I shouldn’t care about what happens to me anyway. Getting a gang of violent drug dealers off the street is important enough to sacrifice myself and face the consequences.

So there…that is what I am certain people are thinking because I’M thinking that myself. Am I crazy? Is this a hallucination? DID I give information? Was there a computer error which resulted in none of the forms and emails getting through? Haven’t I been tough enough? Am I too paranoid? Should I sacrifice myself for the greater good?

I don’t know what to do.

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